


A Wish for a Dream That Can't Come True

by InThisHouseWeLovePyrrhaNikos



Category: RWBY
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 12:43:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13364955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InThisHouseWeLovePyrrhaNikos/pseuds/InThisHouseWeLovePyrrhaNikos
Summary: After being told about the maidens and relics by Qrow, Jaune has a hard time falling asleep. He dives deeper into his self hate and depression, but Ruby tries to comfort him.





	A Wish for a Dream That Can't Come True

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [RWBY Volume 4 Chapter 8: A Much Needed Talk](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/350826) by RoosterTeeth. 



> This takes place the night Qrow told them about the maidens and relics (Volume 4 Chapter 8)

Jaune is sitting on the wooden log bench watching the campfire. He can’t sleep. The stuff about the maidens, the relics, and what Ozpin was trying to do to Pyrrha. All of it at once is a lot to think about.

The others are asleep and have been for the past two hours. Left alone with his thoughts, he starts to ponder about his past mistakes.

 _Three words, Jaune. If you would have just said those three damn words, she’d probably still be here._ _Three words that you’ve been thinking since the dance. You idiot. Why didn’t you? You’re a fool. No. You’re a coward. A useless, pathetic coward who only ever makes mistakes. Not doing anything was a mistake. Coward._

An hour goes by while he’s staring into the darkness trying to ignore the annoyance that is his inner speech. He shifts himself to put his back to the fire and tucks his knees to his chin, letting out a depressed sigh.

_You’re so depressed and negative towards yourself, you’re gonna attract the Grimm right to everyone. Pull yourself together, Jaune._

_I can’t. It’s all my fault she’s gone. I should have done something…_

_You couldn’t do anything._

_It’s all Ozpin’s fault, if he hadn’t tried to make her get those powers, maybe she wouldn’t have tried to fight that Cinder woman._

_No, don’t you try to shift the blame onto someone else. It was you, you’re the one who didn’t do anything about it._

_I didn’t know what was happening and what she was going through until last minute! Now I know why she couldn’t tell me, but if she would have maybe I could have done something! They forced her to-_

_No you couldn’t have, you’re a pathetic excuse for a hero. Ozpin gave her a choice and she chose. You heard her when she agreed to it. You can’t save anyone. She couldn’t even put trust in you to help her._

He runs his hands through his hair while forcefully pulling at it. _You’re right. She put all her faith and support in a weakling like me, thinking I could be something and... I let her down. But I’m going to find a way to make it up to her._

_Just how are you going to do that? You’re worthless. Besides, she’s dead. Gone, perished, done for, lifeless, expired, spiritless-_

_Enough! I’ve had enough of being reminded that she’s gone and that it’s all my fault. I know this! Stop reminding me! I’m going to make it up to her...by avenging her._

_Hah! That’s comical coming from you! If neither her nor Ozpin could beat Cinder, what makes you think you have any chance?_

_I’m not sure if there is one but I will find a way. I’m not going to let her go in vain. I’m going to do whatever it takes._

_All I’m saying is that you don’t stand a chance. You rush in there to fight her and you will die. You have no chance in winning. You suck at everything. You should never have been a leader. You let one of your own teammates die. You let her die, Jaune. All because you were and still are nothing but a coward._

“SHUT UP!” This spontaneous outburst causes his hands to quickly cover his mouth. He looks over his shoulder to scan the group’s sleeping bags to see if he awoke anyone. He’s more worried about waking Qrow or Ruby. He knows Nora and Ren are pretty heavy sleepers.

He faces the darkness and holds his head in his palms. After a few minutes he feels a hand gently touch his shoulder. He doesn’t look up to see who it was. He doesn’t care, but yet he doesn’t want to be alone.

“Jaune?” The high pitched voice indicates that it’s Ruby. “Are you alright? Can’t sleep?”

Jaune shrugs and raises his head to look at her. His eyes bleak and exhausted.

“You shouted so I wanted to make sure you were okay…” Ruby sits down beside him facing the fire, “What happened?” She questions softly with worry.

Jaune brings his sight to his lap and stays silent for a few minutes more. He takes Pyrrha’s scroll out of his jean’s pocket and begins thumbing at it.

_This is one of the only things I have to remind me of her. I’m kind of glad I went back to the dorm to take it…_

_You keeping her scroll just makes you feel worse, you know. About the whole letting her die thing. You must have some serious melancholic depression going on. To keep wanting to be sad and hurt. You’re some kind of masochist to keep doing this to yourself. You don’t want to be happy. You know you don’t deserve happiness._

Jaune ignores the voice and unlocks the scroll and goes into the photos. He looks at all the pictures she had taken of herself. There are even pictures of them together and even a couple group pictures. Her training video she never sent to him is there too, he's watched it many times over the last few nights. He remembers the last thing she says at the end of the video. _I'll always be here for you, Jaune._ Hearing her voice in his head makes his heart drop into his stomach. His eyes squint as he fights back his emotions.

Ruby turns her body so she’s sitting and facing the same direction as him, “Jaune? Will you talk to me? ...I understand if you don’t want to, but I was thinking that it might help you feel better if you did,” Ruby whispers at him. Her eyes look at the scroll in his hands, “I thought you broke your scroll...?”  
    Jaune withdraws a shuttered breath and swallows the lump trying to form in his throat, “I did...it’s...hers.” He can’t utter her name without his voice shaking.

Ruby looks at the scroll then up at his face, “Oh.” Her sorrowful tone fades into the emptiness of the night as she looks away from him. She leans against him and rests her head on his shoulder, “I miss her too, Jaune. But she wouldn’t want you to be like this.”  
    Having Ruby leaning on him with her head on his shoulder reminds him of how Pyrrha had snuggled up to him before the tournament during the Vytal festival. When he saw she was upset and wanted to cheer her up.

_Why didn’t I do something...She clearly liked me back and I liked her too, yet I didn’t act on it...Why was I so stupid. Maybe if I had done more, maybe if I had held her closer to me she wouldn’t have tried to fight Cinder. Maybe it would have changed her mind._

_It wouldn’t have changed anything. She loved you since the second she saw your stupid face. You doing something like holding or even kissing her wouldn’t have changed her mind. Probably would have hurt her more, emotionally speaking. You only ever hurt everyone who’s around you._

His body was shaking as these thoughts progress. He feels powerless and knows he couldn’t change anything then or even now. Ruby puts her arms around him as an attempt to calm his trembling. “Hey hey, it’s okay, breathe.”

“I don’t feel like it’s okay, Ruby...She’s dead because of me. I should have tried to do something myself. But instead I ended up relying on you and Weiss to save her and I put you both in danger. I didn’t _try_ to do anything. I guess I just knew I wasn’t able to do anything other than be a waste of space. So that’s why I called Weiss. I thought maybe someone else would be able to help…” His shoulders tense up as he pulls himself into a tight ball. Ruby retracts her arms from him and listens to him. She isn’t going to interrupt him. She just wants to be there for him while he lets out his thoughts. “I’m so pathetic. I should never have been the leader. I’m a sorry excuse for a leader...I just let her go off to her death...I feel like such a failure. I let her down. I let all of you down. Sometimes I think you guys would be better off if I wasn’t around…”

“Look at me,” Ruby leans in front of him to assure he’s looking at her. “That isn’t true at all, Jaune. You are not a failure. You haven’t let us down, and you’re not holding us back. You’re none of these things you keep saying. Just because you haven’t found your semblance yet doesn’t mean you’re useless. You’ll find it, Jaune. When you do find it, just think of how proud Pyrrha would be of you.”

_...Would she really be proud of me? What if my semblance is something that could have saved her? Would she be mad at me for not discovering it sooner and being able to help her if I had had it?_

_She would be mad at you. She’d hate you for it._

Jaune remains silent at Ruby’s words for a few minutes more. “...I just regret so much of it, Ruby. I regret not holding onto her tighter. I wish I wouldn’t have let her go. When she kissed me, I should have picked her up and ran. I know she’d have been mad at me for doing it, but at least she’d still _be here_.” They sit in silence for what feels like hours. “...I miss her. I should have told her I loved her when I had the chance, but she beat me to it and by the time I realized what happened it was too late to do anything…”

He looks over at Ren’s sleeping bag, “I wonder how they’re handling losing her. Apparently much better than I am.”

“We all miss her and we’re all hurting from it. We know how damaged you about it, so we’re staying strong for you. We’re trying to act like everything’s okay so you can relax and recuperate...but it doesn’t seem to be working.”

Ruby looks at his saddened face,“I don’t know the answers, and tomorrow’s still unknown, but I can promise you you’re not alone, Jaune. You can lean on us if you need to.” Ruby stands up to stretch, and when she notices Jaune’s still unmoved, she wraps her arms around his neck from behind, pulling him to her in a bear hug.

He pushes the back of his head to her chest and sighs, “...Thanks, Ruby. I feel a bit better...guess talking helped like you said it would.” He smiles up at her with his eyebrows arched showing he’s still emotionally weighed down.

_You’re a horrible liar, Jaune. She didn’t change anything. You’re still worthless._

He watches as Ruby goes back to her sleeping bag and snuggles herself into it. He shrugs and stumbles over to his own sleeping bag and lays on top of it.  
    “G’night, Jaune.” Ruby says in a yawn.

Jaune turns his head towards her voice, “Night, Ruby.”

Here he is again. Staring up into the dark sky, left alone with his thoughts.

_You’re a terrible friend too. She was trying to help you and yet you still just brush her off. Why are you so miserable? You have friends around you who care about you, yet you’re still like this. You’re horrible. Pathetic. Worthless. Weak. Pitiful. You shouldn’t have even lived this long._

_...I just want to go to sleep...and not wake up again._


End file.
